Conflict and Conflict Transformation An Overview
Bryan Hudson

In our culture, conflict is usually perceived and treated as a negative occurrence. Consequently, conflict is avoided when possible or treated in ways that result in escalation, deeper miscommunication, increased tension, violence and sometimes death. But remember, conflict is neutral - not positive, not negative.

To move successfully through or to 'transform' conflict requires us to change our conditioned beliefs and become neutral. In a neutral perspective, you are aware of your emotions and the conditioned responses attached to the emotions. These emotions (and responses) were probably the keys to your strategy of survival in the past, but now are no longer appropriate. This process of recognition and change is the first step into transforming conflict from the perceived negative to a neutral state.

Why 'conflict transformation' instead of 'conflict resolution'? To better understand the difference let us begin by looking at the word "resolution." One definition is "the solving of a problem or question," which implies a form of completion. In the immediate nature of conflict, things are rarely solved or even put to rest. Until beliefs shift, the energy will rise again, sometimes in a more destructive and powerful state. Nevertheless, if we look at 'transforming' (the act of making a great change), this movement opens the possibilities of alternatives and even solutions.

One of the greatest challenges in the process of conflict transformation is each individual becomes the catalyst of change. The blame cannot be directed at past life events, people or circumstances. YOU have to be courageous enough to look deeply into yourself and take an honest appraisal of what is happening with YOU. Judgment or criticism is not a part of this evaluation, just truth and honesty. This takes place despite the actions or willingness of others. Having their cooperation in this process is ideal, but change can take place without it.

Another challenge that can slow and even stop conflict transformation is the belief we have to be 'nice'. Women are particularly prone to this behavior but it is certainly not gender specific. There seems to be confusion around 'nice' versus respect. 'Nice' often denies truth and reality. 'Nice' can be dishonest, manipulative and a way of seeking acceptance. And 'nice' can be very political. Respect acknowledges and levels the playing field so everyone in the relationship can start on equal footing. Before anyone takes offense at my criticism of 'nice', let me say that I was raised in the South and taught how to be 'nice, polite and quiet'. I know nice inside and out and I am all for manners and sensitivity but not for false masks of politeness. In a conversation about Southernism, Kara a close Southern friend, reminded me of a custom that exemplifies my position. In the mid 1800's in the South, the lady of the house was always gracious and would never refuse hospitality to a guest. So if you showed up at the doorstep you were greeted, invited in and served refreshments. However, if it were an inopportune time or she did not care for you, when you took the first sip of coffee it was cold. That is the 'nice' I'm referring to.

There are honest ways to say what you need to say which come from the Heart. It does not mean the situation will instantly change if you speak sincerely and honestly but it will alter the energy* created by the conflict. This energy is as real as the electrical current running through your home and just as powerful. Your more subtle senses can read this energy and as you are reacting, they are taking it in. When you respond, this energy is fed back out. Calmness and neutrality result in a diffusion or de-escalation of conflict. The more anxious, angry or tense you are, the higher the likelihood is your energy will erupt and help to escalate the conflict. Think of conflict as a fire and your emotions and beliefs are the wood feeding the fire. Chaotic energy is like throwing gasoline or lighter fluid on a fire, causing conflict quickly to burn out of control. But calming, peaceful energy can slow, maintain or control the fire. This control begins with the first step I mentioned, recognizing your beliefs and emotions around a particular conflict.

Conflict that has exploded into violence or war is far more complicated and the strategies for de-escalation are based on the same principles. Yet separating the individual players and their influences, politics and the emotional devastation around the loss of life is a slower, more complex process.

© Bryan Hudson, 2004

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HIGHLIGHTS

·              Conflict is neutral

·              Conflict is intertwined with beliefs and emotions

·              To change conflict, we must look inside and not blame others or our life situation

·              ‘Nice’ as a conditioned response does not transform conflict

·              Conflict also creates an energy that can be read by the subtle senses